I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
