do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize