we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
