so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
