she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
