If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
