her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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