You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
