I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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