Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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