i would punch a child for taco bell
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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