Please, let me fuck your mom
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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