Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
