Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
