coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize