you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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