I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My vagina is officially offended.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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