I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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