My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
