Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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