too bad you live with your parents still
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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