So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
