Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
