she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
