He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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