He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
