I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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