Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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