listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
