yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
