I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
