Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's never too late to be topless.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
