I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
