My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
