One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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