He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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