Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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