my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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