He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
