kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
