I have demons in me.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
