He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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