I love black thongs
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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