whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize