we have pet lesbian snakes
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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