I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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