I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
