he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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