if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
