So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
