You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize