You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
