so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
