guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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