Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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