My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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