I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
