I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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