things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
