I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
