I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sorry about my life...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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