Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
