we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
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