Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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