Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
