you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
