Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
